As I was reading the Inc article, “7 Traits You Need To Be a Highly Effective Leader” I couldn’t help but draw parallels to parenting.

 “Leadership is not a position or a title, it’s all about action and leading by example.”  How does this translate to parenting?  Parenting is more than being called mom or dad, it’s about the choices we make and being a model for our children. Leadership, just like being a parent, isn’t something we’re born with but a skill to be learned.  There is so much focus on developing our leadership skills within our career but how about developing our leadership skills as a parent?

 7 traits to being an effective Transformational Parent inspired by Inc article.

1. Promote a compelling vision. What is the vision for your family? What values and qualities are important to you? This is the roadmap for our parenting. Parenting with the end in mind.

2. Treat others the way we want to be treated. You may be the adult and feel like you know more which may lead us to feeling like our kids need to be controlled or demand respect. However the best way to teach respect is to give it. Our kids are more likely to give us respect if we give them respect. Our kid’s behaviour can bring us right back to when we were that age and that can come with lots of mixed emotions. So many of us were expected to be ‘seen and not heard’. Giving our kids a voice, doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want. That’s where the roadmap comes in. Setting limits and boundaries aligned to family values. Empathizing with someone doesn’t mean you need to give into the demand. All feelings are ok, we want to support our children to express feelings in an acceptable way. When we help our kids feel seen, heard and valued it builds connection and safety which in turn leads to cooperation.

3. Admitting mistakes. As parents, we are human and we are fallible. We don’t have to have all the answers, it’s ok to say, “That’s a great question, I don’t know the answer but how about we figure it out together?” We might lose our cool sometimes and it has nothing to do with our child. It is usually because we are stressed or overwhelmed or it has brought up some unhealed wounds from our own childhood. Our actions are our responsibility. Not a weight for our kids to carry. So, apologizing to our kids when we mess up helps us to reconnect and lets our child know they are safe as well as stopping the self-blame. If we make our kids feel that our actions are their responsibility, their negative self-talk will grow.

4. Make yourself part of the action. When we model the qualities we want to see in our kids, they are more likely to develop them within themselves. So, if you value health and wellness but your child see’s you not taking care of yourself it breaks trust, adds confusion and likely won’t result in your child developing healthy habits in their own life. “Do as I say, not as I do.” doesn’t foster a relationship of trust, nor does it result in lasting intrinsic motivation.

5. Be a great communicator. Many of us did not grow up speaking the language of feelings and needs. It is something we need to develop within ourselves so we can support our kids to develop it as well. Learning to connect before we make a request and practicing compassionate listening is what develops a lasting, strong relationship.

6. Delegate. Felling like you need to do everything leads to overwhelm and stress. In turn, that makes it hard to be the parent we want to be. Sharing responsibilities in the home, in age appropriate ways, also teaches our kids that they matter and are a valuable member of the family. When they are too young to contribute, think about where you can lower expectations or outsource some responsibility. For example, do you need to make that trip to the grocery store or can you get it delivered? Let the house be messier, buy more underwear and leave laundry for a few extra days.

7. Make others feel important. A key need we all have is to feel like we matter and belong. Many times, unwanted behaviours come up in our kids when a key need is going unmet. It is our role as a parent to be that emotional scientist to help decode the message beneath the behaviour and guide them to express it in constructive ways.

When you think of parenting as leadership, what does it change for you?

Successful leaders attempt to understand another’s motivations and encourages participation in a way that meets individual needs as well as the interests of the entire family. Leadership is about understanding.  It is a skill to be developed and nurtured.  Research shows that leadership is 30% genetic and 70% learned.  Same goes for parenting. Building our parenting leadership skills and changing our default parenting patterns requires coaching.

 A parenting coach can:

 1.     Help you address subconscious beliefs, perceptions and reactive patterns that are triggers for you and gets you stuck in default patterns

2.     Support you to beneath the behaviour to understand the need your child is attempting to get met

3.     Teach you tools and strategies to be a confident leader in your home

What’s stopping you from getting the support you need to be the transformational parent you kids deserve?  Let your children be the inspiration to get the help you need. Book a free chat to learn how I can support you to become the transformational leader in your family.