Did any of you feel that way when you became a parent?  I started having kids later in life.  My first one was born when I was 36 so my life was pretty ingrained in my career, social life, etc… so when I had my first child I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Big changes or stressors in life can lead to an identity crisis.  Having a child definitely qualifies as a BIG change :P

Signs you may be having an identity crisis:

• You are questioning who you are.

• Trying to figure out what your role is now that you are a mom or dad.

• You are questioning whether you are on the right career path.

• What does this mean for your relationship with your co-parent?

• You are searching for more meaning and purpose.

 You are not alone if you feel any of these things.  I definitely felt all of them when I entered motherhood.  Staying at home with my kids was never an option for me.  I felt like I had invested too much of my life into my career and education to turn my back on it and it brought me a sense of purpose.  That said, motherhood pulled at my heartstrings and I felt sad that my children were predominately being raised by our nanny and not me.

I bounced around to several different jobs searching for more meaning and purpose and most of all flexibility and balance to be more present with my kids.  Today I am grateful to have found a career that brings me purpose and meaning as well as balance – well ok not during these COVID days as I am still juggling many responsibilities with no outside help.  But I know this is temporary and I can do hard things. 

If you feel you are having an identity crisis after becoming a parent, here are 5 tips to overcome it:

1. Go inward:

   • Take time to explore your values and what is most important to you.

2. What brings you joy?  Think Marie Kondo :).

   • You don’t have to make a complete job change but maybe introducing more joy in your life again.  What hobbies do you love that you can make time for? 

3. Get support:

   • Making connections with like-minded parents who may be going through something similar is so helpful.

4. Avoid comparing

   • Looking outward and comparing yourself to others doesn’t serve you.  Every situation, every person is unique.

5. Get outside help

   • You are not meant to do this alone.  Getting outside help can be a game-changer to helping you enjoy your new role as a parent as well as finding fulfillment and purpose – whatever that may end up looking like for you.

You don’t have to feel stuck. Take the time to explore how becoming a parent shifts your priorities. Instead of fighting the change, embrace it.