Parenting is a challenging and rewarding experience, but it can be even more difficult for high-achievers and perfectionists.  I have personal experience with this as a recovering high-achieving, perfectionist!  We have high expectations of ourselves and in turn our children as well.  Balancing our desire to succeed can add pressure to the demands of raising a family.  

Below are some of the common struggles I have faced.  Let me know which resonate with you and what you would add to the list.

5 Struggles of High-Achieving Parents

Struggle #1: Letting go of control

One of the biggest struggles for high-achieving and perfectionist parents is letting go of our need for control.  My identity was wrapped up in my external successes.  My belief was if I set my mind to something and worked hard enough, I would succeed.  This  mindset did not serve me at all in parenting.  Parenting requires a certain level of flexibility and adaptability. Children are unpredictable and often have their own ideas about what they want and need, which can be challenging if you thrive on control.  Ever gotten into a power struggle with your child and felt the need that you had to ‘win’?  Or as I shared at the March Kids&Co talk, when I became a mom I thought if I attuned to my child’s needs he would never cry.  My son was colicky! 🥺

Struggle #2: Pressure to succeed

Another challenge for high-achieving and perfectionist parents is the pressure to succeed. Oftentimes, high-achievers define success in terms of perfection and this spills over into parenting.  You may feel the need to provide your children with every opportunity and experience, and may push your children to excel in school, sports, and other activities. This can put a lot of pressure on both the parent and the child, and can lead to feelings of stress, anxiety, and burnout.  I often work with parents that have their kids in loads of extracurricular activities from a young age and when we dig into the reasoning it is often 1. Pressure to succeed and feel like your child is ‘keeping up’ or excelling 2. Fulfilling a desire you had as a child to participate in a certain activity 3. Wanting to minimize unstructured or ‘free’ time as that means your child might be bored and other pressures on you that you would rather not deal with.  

Struggle #3: Feelings of guilt or self-doubt

In addition, high-achieving and perfectionist parents may struggle with the guilt that comes with not being able to do everything perfectly.  Social media can often exacerbate this when you look at perfect photos being shared.  This guilt can be overwhelming and can lead to feelings of self-doubt. “What am I doing wrong?” “Why can’t I get everything done?”

Struggle #4: Saying ‘no’

As a high-achiever, you may feel like you need to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. However, this can lead to burnout and overwhelm. Which leads to struggle #5 ⬇️

Struggle #5: Time for yourself

Finally, high-achieving and perfectionist parents may struggle with finding time for themselves. You may be so focused on your children and their achievements that you neglect your own needs and interests. This can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout, and can ultimately impact your ability to be an effective parent.

So what can you do if these struggles resonate with you?

1. Accept mistakes will be made.  Parenting is a learning experience and it isn’t about being perfect but showing up. 

2. Letting go of the need for control or at least start by recognizing when this need shows up for you.  It often has an underlying message.  

3. Set realistic expectations for both yourself and your children

4. Get clear on your values. Once you get clear on your values, if an opportunity comes up ask yourself, “is this really important to me?”

5. Prioritize self-care and things that interest you. You can love your children AND still need time away from them.

Though being a high-achieving, perfectionist parent can make parenting more challenging you have the power to recognize these struggles and become more aware of them within yourself.  By taking steps to overcome them you can create a more positive and fulfilling parenting experience for yourself and your children.

You got this!