There is no shortage of parenting information out there but that can be overwhelming. Psychologist Diana Baurind proposed four primary parenting styles in the 1060s that serve as useful frameworks for understanding parenting dynamics. Let’s take a quick look at what the four parenting styles are:

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Obstacle #1: Authoritarian tendencies

If our default is authoritarian parenting: strict rules and belief that “I am the parent, I am always right,” transitioning to an authoritative approach which values open communication and understanding your child’s perspective may prove challenging.

Obstacle #2: Lack of knowledge or awareness

If we lack awareness regarding the principles and benefits of authoritative parenting it can hinder our ability to effectively implement this style. Understanding child development, communication techniques, and discipline strategies is essential for success.

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Obstacle #3: Generational parenting patterns

We often mirror the parenting style we experienced during our own childhood. If we were raised in an authoritarian or permissive household, that is our default pattern and breaking free from those patterns can be challenging especially because 80% of our actions are subconscious.

Obstacle #4: Stress & time constraints

Ever noticed when you are stressed or rushed your ability to be present, understanding and empathetic goes out the window? It makes sense because in these times we may be more impulsive and inconsistent setting and holding boundaries.

Obstacle #5: Inconsistent behaviour

Inconsistency in expectations and boundaries can undermine the authoritative parenting style, potentially causing confusion and eroding trust for our child, leading to more power struggles.

Obstacle #6: People pleasing tendencies

A desire to be liked or to avoid conflict can sometimes lead parents to indulge their child’s wants excessively, resulting in permissive parenting style. However, this approach hinders the development independence, responsibility and confidence.

Obstacle #7: Fear of conflict or confrontation

The fear of conflict can be a significant barrier to adopting authoritative parenting style. Addressing issues, setting limits, and holding boundaries may be challenging for parents who fear their child’s negative reactions.

Obstacle #8: Difficulty listening & understanding

Active listening and understanding your child’s feelings and needs are essential aspects of authoritative parenting. Parents who struggle with engaging in empathetic listening may find it challenging to adopt this style effectively.

Obstacle #9: Parent ability to self-regulate

Managing our own emotions and reactions is a key part of authoritative parenting. Parents who struggle with their own self-regulation find it challenging to respond to their child’s big emotions in a respectful and appropriate manner.

Obstacle #10: External pressures

Societal expectations, pressure from family and friends, or the desire to fit into certain parenting standards can sometimes steer parents away from authoritative parenting, pushing them towards overly strict or permissive approaches.

You are not alone!

If any or all of these resonate with you, you are not alone. I struggled with most of these in my own parenting and let’s be honest I sometimes still do.

Overcoming these obstacles

Change is possible. No matter what your default parenting style is you can learn to become an authoritative parent and feel more confident, joy and ease in your family and life. Growing in self-awareness (hint, hint you already have if you are reading this!), learning about brain science and nervous system science, age-appropriate expectations and committing to practicing imperfectly are all keys to being an authoritative parent.

You are not meant to do this alone. Remember I said that 80% of our actions are subconscious and so we need support to shift our default patterns. Want to learn how I can support you along this journey? Book a consult call here.

You got this!