Top 5 tips to manage back to school transition | Your Transformed Family
I’m excited for the start of the 2024/25 school year. Are you looking forward to your kids going back to school or perhaps starting school for the first time? Are your kids excited about it? Let’s be honest, most kids hate the end of summer and heck many adults to do. Even if your child is looking forward to start of school the transition can still be tricky.
I have 2 boys ages 10 & 12 and they couldn’t be more different from each other, personality wise. My oldest tends to be more quiet, introverted and sensitive where as my youngest is more boisterous, outgoing and strong-willed. So, their responses to transitions are usually quite different. We made the decision to change schools for my 12 year-old and he is heading back to Montessori as he starts Grade 7 this year. He is excited but also nervous. He had made friendships in our new neighborhood. Fortunately, we aren’t moving so he can maintain those friendships as he fosters new ones. My 10 year-old is excited about the teacher he has and to reconnect with old friendships. Doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs. Allow for them.
Do you want support to manage transitions? Book a free call with me to chat.
I’ve spoken about the idea of an emotional backpack before and it is a thing. Do you sometimes think your child’s teacher is speaking about someone else’s child? “Your child is so sweet, polite and cooperative!” You’re thinking, he’s not like that at home! When kids are in school they are holding it together. It is natural that when they come home they have lots of built-up emotional, mental and physical energy. They will release it in ways we may not like but it is because they feel safe to do so. You can read article I wrote on “Emptying the Emotional Backpack: what to do when children get home from school” for Kids & Co here.
Helping ease after school transition
I used to pick up my boys at school and the first thing I would ask was, “How was your day?” The question is too broad. I would usually get answers like, fine, ok and nothing more. It’s also not giving kids some space to decompress. They don’t want to talk about school as soon as they are leaving it. They need some time. Get them a snack, maybe do a physical activity. I have 2 boys with lots of energy so they need to exert it. Put yourself in their shoes, I know after a long day of work I need a some time to shift gears, They too need space and time.
In our family we have some down time when we get home. Find an activity to reconnect as a family, snuggle, read books. It is in those moments of connection you can ask something like, “what was the best part of your day?”, “who did you play with at recess today?” If you ask a specific question, you are more likely to get an answer and the start of a conversation.
For my youngest he opens up most when he is having a bath. One day after a rough return from school he said to me, “Mom, I miss you when I’m at school. I don’t’ want to go.” Don’t panic if you hear something like this. They are feeling that separation after having been together so often likely over the summer. Though we both need the separation, it is natural to also miss each other. Don’t dismiss their feelings. It is important to empathize. You want to make your child feel seen and heard. So instead of, “I miss you too but you have to go to school.” Say something like, “I miss you too when you’re at school. I look forward to spending time together when you get back. Is there something special you want to do with me after school tomorrow?”” Empathize and find opportunities to connect. Special time is invaluable anytime but especially during times of transition. You can check out my Instagram post on special time tips for success.
Establishing or re-establishing routines is also helpful. We have a chart with morning, after school and bedtime routines so they know what is expected of them. This removes a lot of the nagging that can trigger us and result in yelling and feeling like we need to use threats or rewards to get cooperation. If you want a copy of my routine charts, send me a DM here with Routine charts in the subject line. We gradually want to build their independence which also boosts their confidence and feeling like they matter. Win-win-win!
Finally, model stress management. The past few months I have been exhausted. I know that if I exercise, it helps lift my mood and energy level. I let them see me carving out time to exercise and we talk about ways that help us relax and unwind. Listening to music or having a dance party is an easy and fun way to release built up energy from the day. We will also get back into family yoga and meditation which is great to help calm the nervous system. When the nervous system is stressed out it is hard to have impulse control and regulate our emotions.
Let’s recap my top 5 tips for managing back to school transitions
Expect release of emotions after school
Give them some space and validate and empathize with feelings. All feelings are ok, it is behaviours we want to correct.
2. Routines, routines, routines!
Work together on what needs to happen before leaving the house in the morning, after coming home and before bed. Getting their buy-in on the routines goes a long way in getting their cooperation. Sleep schedules may have been out of whack over the summer so think about getting back on track a few days before back to school so it isn’t a huge shift.
3. Allow time to chill & release energy
Can you stop at the park on way home and have them run around freely? Rushing home to get dinner ready? Could they run around the block or even inside or on small trampoline. You can even do some jumping jacks together as a way to signal a shift from school to home. Mark it in a way that helps both of you release any negative energy. Dance it out is always one of my favourites!
4. Special time
This doesn’t have to be long. Just 10 min of 1:1 time where you are able to be fully present goes just a long way. Check out my Instagram post where I share tips for success. I’ve upped our 1:1 time in preparation for back to school as I noticed their behaviour was off and it is usually a message of feeling disconnected or perhaps anxious about the change ahead. Spending time together to talk about what they are looking forward to, any worries can help ease any anxiety they may be feeling.
5. Model Stress management
Children learn so much from watching. Let them see you overcome stressful situations. You can even talk about it in age appropriate ways as this helps to normalize stress and you can come up with what works for them when they are feeling stressed. Most importantly when you find tools to support yourself during stressful times you are able to show up and parent with unconditional love, kindness and empathy. Parenting is stressful. If you want support to break cycles of anger, overwhelm, exhaustion to parent with confidence, ease and connection book a free, no-obligation call here.
BONUS TIP #1 Check out Dr. Rachel Schwarztman’s, tips to help support well-being for our kiddos as they head back to school
Bonus TIP #2 Go easy on yourself and have self-compassion for your own feelings and needs. Maybe your baby is starting school for the first time and that may bring up lots of feelings for you more so than your child. Give yourself space to feel all the feels.
