Rethinking New Year’s Resolutions: A Guide to Purposeful Parenting in 2024
Are New Year’s resolutions a good idea or a bad idea? Embraced by many, achieved by few. The reality is that up to 80% of resolution-makers fail within the first few weeks. For busy parents, the prospect of adding yet another task to the never-ending to-do list can be daunting, leaving them questioning the value of setting resolutions. Is there truly a point, or is it just another source of self-imposed pressure?
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with resolutions but first be honest with yourself. Ask yourself: Are you driven by a sense of obligation, or do you genuinely long for a more intentional life? Acknowledge that the magic of change is not confined to January 1st; there are 364 other days in the year to reflect and set goals. Whether aligned with back-to-school, birthdays, or alternative cultural calendars, the date is secondary. The key lies in finding the right time for you and your family. Bottom line, don’t feel pressured that it has to be on a certain date. Keep reading for my tips on how to set yourself up for success if and when you do want to set some resolutions. You can also listen to my interview on CHCH Morning Live where Julie Cole and I talk about New Year’s resolutions for parents and families.
Steps for Success
Step 1: Get clear on your values
You can do this as a family and give everyone an opportunity to pick their top values and talk about why it is important to them. In simple ways, children as young as three years old can participate. Instead of “What will I do?”, think about “Who do I want to be?”, what qualities do I want my children to have when they are adults and am I modelling them? No guilt or shame here, just a reflection of areas you may choose to focus on.
Reflect on moments that brought you joy in 2023, yes like Marie Kondo, the author of “Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”. But remember even she gave up the idea of being perfect after she became a mother 😉. What were some areas you struggled with? Maybe you lose it with your kids more often than you’d like or you default to solving your kids’ problems instead of giving them an opportunity to come up with their own solutions.
Step 2: Set 1-2 SMART goals aligned to your values
Once you are clear on your values, you can get more specific on things you want to do that align to them. Keeping them SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely) and only setting only 1-2 goals increases your likelihood of success. And remember these don’t need to be for the full year, if you feel that you have achieved your goal you can go back to step 1 and see if there are other areas you want to work on. It is meant to be fluid, not something you do once and then forget about it.
Let’s take an example:
Value: Family & Quality Time
Goal: Once a week on each Sunday, my family and I will explore a new hiking trail.
Bonus: If you also have a value of health and wellness then this checks many boxes!
Increasing Success:
Make it visible: Print out the goals and put them in prominent areas of you home: kitchen, bathroom. So that you are reminded of them regularly. Out of site, out of mind.
Accountability: Talk about them with your family on a regular basis so you can check-in on how your doing and if any adjustments need to be made, ask a friend to help keep you on track, hire a coach if you are working on a new skill and want support.
3. Plan to fail: All new habits start out hard and then get easier. Don’t wait for motivation to come, do it anyways and then reflect on how it felt. You will likely get off track, instead of beating yourself up remember it is part of the process of change. Have some self-compassion and get back on track.
Let’s face it, life is busy so I wanted to share some inspiration on some areas to think about that can be fairly easy.
#1: Foster independence in your child
Oftentimes we separate play from work but for young kids there is no distinction. So though it may feel like more effort, and it may be initially, in the long run your are raising independent humans. It is well worth the initial effort and watch their confidence, sense of self-worth and contribution sore.
Some examples of how to get kids involved:
Matching socks! Make it fun by challenging them on how many matches they can find in 2 min. See if they can beat their record next time.
Practice measuring ingredients in the kitchen. Bonus they are learning math and improving fine motor skills in the process. Make it fun but playing some of their favourite tunes!
#2: Talk less, model more
As parents (myself included), we often talk too much and need to practice zipping it. Otherwise we start to sound like Charlie Brown’s cartoon teacher “mwa mwa mwa.” Kids learn more from what we do than what we say so practice modelling the qualities you want to see in your kids.
Tip for a goal: I will practice self-regulation (be specific here, ideas: mediation, 5 finger breathing, EFT tapping, cold plunging) skills twice a day, first thing when I wake up in the morning and just before going to bed.
Reminder: To increase our likelihood of remaining calm in challenging moments with our kids, we need to develop the skills and muscle memory out of the moment.
#3: Actively listen
We often think we are listening but if the person we are talking to doesn’t feel seen, heard or understood then we aren’t listening…actively. Make sure you put your phone down or remove all distractions, be mindful of the thoughts that come up for you and focus on reflecting back what you are hearing. Oftentimes that’s all our kids need, someone to listen and not fix whatever is bothering them.
Example: Every time your child wants to talk to you, put any distractions away and give them your undivided attention. If you are not able to, say “I really want to hear what you have to say. I need to finish cooking dinner. Do you want to help and then you can tell me what’s on your mind?”
#4: Prioritize Sleep
Sleep is so essential for our physical, mental and emotional well-being. I know this can be tricky with little ones who perhaps don’t sleep through the night. Does that mean perhaps you go to bed earlier to get that extra shuteye? What do you have to give up to make that happen, even just a few times a week. Notice how you feel the next day. Need help to improve the quality of your child’s sleep? Book a sleep consult with Leanne Bruni from Wee Sleep here.
